Friday, March 30, 2012

Dear Baby

Dear baby,

Your dad and I wish so badly that we could have met you today, but there is comfort in knowing you are with the Lord. The day we found out we were expecting, we prayed and gave you to the Lord, as you were a gift from God and always His.

We are thankful for our journey because we know that one day the Lord will bless us with a precious child, and you, sweet one, will always be a part of our family, our story, and the parents (and people) we are shaped to be.

We think about you everyday. We have always loved you. We will always love you.


Mom and Dad

Friday, March 23, 2012

A Struggling Heart, A Happy Heart

This is my heart...

This coming week marks my due date for my second pregnancy. Nothing can take away the pain of this kind of loss. There are certain things that make "coping" the loss our second baby even harder; although my peace and trust in the Lord and gratitude for life struggles was something I did not experience the first time, and I will not trade such blessing and lesson for anything. I was much further along in my second pregnancy, so naturally planning and preparation began to take place. I do not like that when I pull luggage out from underneath the guest bed that I have to see a stash of diapers. I do not like that every day when I go into our garage I have to see nursery furniture and a crib that should welcoming a baby but there is no baby.

Call me crazy, but I really thought I would coast through these couple of weeks unmindful by the whole thing. I was dead wrong. My heart is heavy and I'm sad. I know it's normal for me to feel this way as I approach a day that had such a life changing event attached to it, but I have such tremendous joy and gratitude for my family, friends, job, and life in general that I thought this week would be a cinch. Lesson to me and I'm thankful for this lesson. Although it sounds odd, I'm thankful that the Lord allows us to "feel". I'm not an emotionally numb person by any stretch of the imagination, obviously, as I sit here and blog about my most personal emotions and vulnerability, but in all honesty it was a feeling of "numbness" I hoped for in regards to coasting through these couple of weeks. Lord, thank you for loving me so much that I have the gift of feeling and reality. Thank you for letting me feel the sadness and grief of never meeting our sweet baby until the day you call me Home. Lord, thank you for loving me so much that even in sadness I'm reminded of your Grace. Jesus, please remind me over the next week that I'm guarded in your love and grace. Lord, thank you for my sweet husband and the godly man you shaped him to be.  Even when it's most hard, I will be still and know that you are God.

This is my story, this is my song.

Friday, March 16, 2012

It's Been A Long Time...

Hey friends,

So I realize it's been way too long since my last post. What can I say other than life has been BUSY. We are finally out of basketball season and Jonathan is now full swing into track season. I LOVE basketball season so much, but it is one looooong season with almost zero time for us to spend together. Track season is a little easier because my man is home by 5:00 everyday! Praise the Lord!

In bigger news, I have a new job and HOLY MOLY do I love it! It's been the most amazing and rewarding journey. I started right at the first of the new year and I've loved every second of it. I'm coordinator of business operations for the Dallas Patriots (largest select baseball organization in the country). We are so blessed the Lord brought this opportunity to me, as it has been the perfect fit for Jonathan and I.

This is what happens everytime I head go to my car to head to one of the baseball academies or to a meeting. Judge Baylor makes a b-line to drivers seat. He's so fast it's near impossible to prevent the situation. Once Wrigley sees Judge in the car he thinks there is an open invitation for the whole family to go and I'm left trying to pull 2-100 lb dogs out of my car. Good times. :)

We done some new things around the house the past few months. We finally got a bed for our master room, patio furiture, a leather club chair for the living room, and window treatments for the living room. I promise to post pictures soon!